some people have it so easy

Currently Listening To : Walk Away - Paula DeAnda
Currently Feeling : Awful

Why does life give you things that are so amazing, so awesome, that it makes you feel complete, and maybe for once, truly happy? But of course, there's a catch; it only lasts for awhile. Such a short while that you only manage to get a small taste of its beauty, just like an orgasm. It's just for the moment. And once you're addicted, life takes it all away, just like pulling a tablecloth from underneath everything, and creating a huge mess. It takes it all away, leaving you in the cold and the mud. Alone, with nothing else to put a smile on your face. Its like a beautiful day with the sun shining and all you can think about is that wonderful day you're gonna spend with the one you love most, and all of a sudden the rain starts to pour down, washing away any glint of having fun. Or like you're gambling your life's savings coz things are looking good, lucks on your side and you feel great. But suddenly the tables turn around and you lose everything. One moment, you're on top of the world, confident that there's nothing that can pull you down. Then gravity, or in other words; reality, strikes, and you land face down in the gravel and dirt.

Okay, I'm hearing, "Enough with the emo-fied metaphors already, get to the point!". But really, all those above is what I feel right now. I really felt that way, that everything was taken away from me. Could it be karma? Have I done something to deserve this heavy feeling in my heart? Maybe I did this to myself. Or I should have known things were way too good to be true.

Things were going awesome. I finally finished my photography duties in school, it was now up to the Head Editor to finish up everything. I've done my part. I had skipped loads of classes because of this, causing me to fail miserably in my exams. One month later, and I'm finally catching up with my studies, but my boat was still sinking and the water level in it was not going down much. I was doing whatever I could to stay afloat. I've made a promise to myself AND my teachers that I'll do whatever I can to improve my grades. I even had counsellings for heaven's sake! I thought that that wouldn't be so impossible, I'd just have to lessen my online time and start sweeping the dust off my textbooks. And of course, pay more attention and STOP SLEEPING IN CLASS :D

But nooo, some stupid law in this universe decided that I'm not allowed to have a normal student life. Guess what? Today, my Head Editor shoved a list of classes and societies that pictures need to be RETAKEN. Yes, RE-TA-KEN. REEEEE TAAAAAYYYYY KERRRRRRRN. BOOOOM, there goes any chance of even showing up in class. And the worse part is, the Form 5's and Form 3's will NOT be taking part. Why? Simple. PMRRRRRRR and SPMMMMMM! Rawrrrr!

So yeah, that's one big huge problem. WHYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? :(
MY.SCHOOL.NEEDS.MORE.PHOTOGRAPHERS.THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. MY BOYFRIEND is not helping at all. I made a mistake, the kind of mistake that you should have thought twice before making that decision. But I didn't think twice. Why? I have no idea either. Then I made another mistake, one that I was S T U P I D enough to make. And now my boyf doesn't even want to look at me. Well, technically, he can't coz he lives miles away. But what I mean is, he doesn't treat me the way he used to. Maybe he doesn't realize how much I love him, how much he means to me and what I would do to bring things back to normal. It's been a month and a week. That's not very long, but he stole my heart, and I'm not intending to take it back. But why he's treating me like this, I have no idea. You may think he's just having a bad time, but I'm all ears and he just won't say anything. Not even "I love you" when he hangs up the phone. Not even those "I love you more than anything else" messages that he sends to me at three in the morning for me to read when I wake up for school. Those messages absolutely makes my day. I smile the whole day everytime I think about it, and nothing spoils my mood. Well, none of those anymore.

I don't understand it. Is he playing me? Have I made a mistake? I'm not ready for another heartbreak. I love you, Hafis, but why are you doing this to me? Its no use anyway, he doesn't even know what a blog is.

And through all this, I have this friend, who has been there for me a lot. But he told me he wanted to be more than friends. I told him I couldn't cos my heart was already with someone else. And he couldn't accept that. And he left me. I can't treat him as more than a best friend. But he's gone now. And I know he's not coming back anytime soon. He was my shoulder to lean on whenever I had times like this, and now he's gone. I miss him more and more every minute and I'm just waiting for his phone call :/ Please call me, D.

You may all think these are just petty stuff, but these are the little things that is carving holes into my heart, making more holes in my already-sinking boat. And I can't swim. Not if I'm alone.
All I need is someone to tell me that they love me, and that I'm not all by myself. I've been waiting for that one person to get me back up on my feet and wipe away my tears and say that I'm being silly and that everything's gonna be okay. Where is this person that I need so much? WHERE ARE YOUU? :(

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Although I feeling extremely awful, I'm not a pessimist, I still can put on a fake smile :D
But I AM truly happy about one thing today, which is..

LEW KHEI QI'S 15TH BIRTHDAY!

Omgg, dear I'm so sorry I'm being such a self-centered emotional bitch on your birthday. You know I love you right sayang ♥ !
Have fun getting ready for PMR HAHAHAHHA! :)
I PROMISE we'll go shopping one day and buy each other b'day presents yeahh.
I miss you okayy! muahh.
Oh, and fyi that picture was taken donkey years ago. My hair was still long -.-


Ohh and btw,
Panic At The Disco is performing tomorrow and I just found out yesterday!

I WANNAAAA GOOOOOOO! :(

HOW COULD I NOT HAVE KNOWN EARLIER :(
Memang bodoh. I'm such a terrible fan!
Oh well :|

And one more thing,

I LOVE DURIANS OKAY.

They rock. Love the smell. Dunno why others hate 'em.

And I changed my braces colour again. They're now purple, light blue, light green and white. I think.
Another piece of good news is, I'm TRYING to talk to my ex again. I mean, why not right? What's wrong with being friends with the guy who stole my heart and tore it into a million pieces? No, I don't see anything wrong with that picture. Do you?

Okay, perhaps I AM going crazy.

with tears and fake smiles,
denise(: